White Girls Can't Dance

Last weekend me and the girls decided to get away for a little fun on the high seas. It was a chance for many of us to let loose and feel like teenagers again. What better ship to sail on than the biggest ship in the world, well, at least it WAS the biggest in the world, during our teenage years. Royal Caribbean's Sovereign of the Seas debuted to much fanfare in 1988. Not only was the ship a marvel of innovation and design, it outclassed everything that had come before. At 73,192 gross tons, she was not the largest ship ever built, but was the largest ever built for the sole purpose of cruising. This revolutionary ship, the first to feature a 5 deck open atrium, now a staple in the industry, changed the course of modern cruising. Pulling up to the dock, it is a bit hard to fathom the impact of her existence. She looks so small sitting the in same slip where I am so used to seeing the Mariner of the Seas. Fifteen years and an additional 74,000 tons makes a bit of a difference when it comes to ships. I had the pleasure of sailing on the Mariner in 2003 when she was only 3 weeks old and at the time held the title of the largest ship in the world. Three years later I sailed on the maiden voyage of yet another of the world's largest ships, the Freedom of the Seas which currently shares the title with it's new sister ship the Liberty.

Prior to my trip there was much trepidation in my thoughts on the Sovereign. I had long regarded this ship, now the oldest in the RCI fleet as a beat up little rust bucket taking weekend booze cruises to the Bahamas. In no way did I feel this ship could even begin to compete on the same level as the Freedom, the Mariner or the upscale Radiance class ships that I am used to sailing on. I am delighted to say that my fears were unwarranted. Don't get me wrong, there is no comparison to the larger ships, but what this baby lacks in size, she makes up for in attitude. The rooms are smaller, the mini bar is a few cans lined up on the desk, there is no in- room safe, and the TV is not interactive. Big deal, guess folks should leave their genuine cubic zirconium jewelry at home. Actually the thing I missed most was being able to book my shore excursions on the TV. I had to go stand in line, but on the bright side this darling Canadian boy was there at the desk to help us.

Sovereign underwent a massive facelift in 2004 so much of the 80's décor is swimming with the fishes. All in all, once you get past the size of the ship, it feels like all the rest of them. On the plus side, it doesn't take as long to run back to your room to refill your drink with your smuggled booze. The food, service and amenities are fairly level with what I find throughout the rest of the RCI ships. This was a wonderful surprise after being previously informed that the standards on the weekend ships usually are not up to par with the rest of the company. While that may be the case with Carnival, it sure is not the case here.

This was also my first 3 day cruise. I did a 4 day on Celebrity for a conference but otherwise never anything shorter than a week. The longer, the better in my book. I was not sure what type of activities to expect and what kind of schedule such a short trip would serve up. I've got to say, they know how to pack it in. Not only did I get at least one trivia session per day but they threw in a Name that Tune each day as well. Do not let the blonde hair fool you, as I extended my winning streak in both events. Trust me when I say I am proud to be the biggest geek on the ship! This cruise also brought about a new milestone in my cruising history. After 5 years and at least 20 tries, I am now a Quest champion. Previous RCI cruisers will understand what I mean, the rest of you will find out shortly.

Our group consisted of 13 ladies and one man. It was supposed to be a ladies only trip, but my assistant Carly could not bear to be parted from her little boyfriend so I let him come along. What I really wanted was to make sure we had at least ONE man with us willing to take his clothes off so that I could win a key chain. What I am referring to is the afore mentioned QUEST. This is an adult scavenger hunt played on every RCI sailing and has become not only a tradition with their frequent cruisers but also somewhat of an obsession. This is a game where if no one cheats, no one gets hurt and no one takes their clothes off, you might as well just go home. The audience is divided up into several teams consisting of both men and women. The cruise director stands in the center of the room and reads an item off of a list. The team who finds the item and gets it to him first gets 10 points, the second gets 5 and all the rest get one point. All of the items will be found in that room. For example, they start off easy with things like a cruise program. Then they get tricky and want items like a piece of fruit ( the cherry from your cocktail or lime from your beer), a portrait of the white house ( $20.00 bill) or a set of black teeth (comb or hair clip). From time to time he may ask for team members to perform an act such as two men holding hands and skipping with their pants down around their ankles. Then of course is the classic of 2 ladies bras, not being worn. On my Panama Canal cruise where I was probably the youngest passenger on the ship, I have never seen so many old ladies move that fast. EEEKKK!!!! Needless to say Carly's little boyfriend Sam stepped up to the plate and gave a fab effort. We did of course have to recruit another man ( gotta have two on the skipping thing), and found this nice guy and his girlfriend to join us. Should have seen her face when we asked him if he had boxer shorts on. They had never played before and she had no idea, poor thing. The piece de la resistance comes at the end when one male team member gets to dress up like a lady and parade around in the "Miss Sovereign of the Seas Pageant". This of course was Sam.

Sam continued to amuse us at dinner as well. I mentioned to him that he could order what ever he wanted from the menu as it is all inclusive and there are no limits on food. So, he ordered everything on the menu. I mean everything. He ate most of it as well. He and Carly are a cruise lines worst nightmare. They do not drink, they don't gamble and take full advantage of the dining. Our waiter, bless his heart, kept a smile on his face throughout the whole ordeal.

I really only had one complaint the whole weekend, the music. It was like I was on the all hip hop all the time cruise ship, except of course when they broke it up with a bit of line dancing. To my surprise or should I say horror, they even line dance to hip hop. I realize that it is popular and I don't mind hearing it, but not the same 5 songs over and over again. I sort of blame the DJ and since most of us left pretty bad comments about him, perhaps future cruisers on this ship will have a better one. Not all of the music was bad and we did have fun dancing to some "Old School" . I guess "Old School" refers to the early hip hop stuff from the 90's like Sir Mix A Lot who likes "big butts" or the classic Bust a Move. Maybe that is why I hated the DJ, he referred to my college music as "old". Skinny little geek, I'll show him…. Well, not really sure what I showed him but rumor has it that some of the girls have me on film doing my crazy white girl butt dance. I guess I sort of make Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels look good. Who cares if I had a bit too much liquid refreshment and made fool of myself, what is important is that I won the QUEST!!! As my roommate for the weekend liked to say "everyting ez gud wit the Vodka"! She should know, she smuggled a huge bottle of it onboard.

Since this is supposed to be a serious cruise column this week I better get back into nerd mode. Lest you think I am totally berserk, make sure to see all the photos at the end. Ok so back to your regularly scheduled column:

Most folks have heard of the famous ship the QE 2 ( RMS Queen Elizabeth 2 from Cunard). Currently she is the longest serving cruise ship in service. Christened in 1969 by Queen Elizabeth II, she will be completing her last few cruises this year and then be sent into retirement. The ship has been purchased by a group of investors in Dubai and will be transformed into a floating hotel like the RMS Queen Mary in Long Beach, CA. Contrary to popular belief, the ship is not named for the current British monarch, but rather for her mother Elizabeth Bowes Lyon, wife of King George VI. The 2 in the name of the ship refers to it being the second ship with the same name and NOT for the second queen. ( trivia geek alert). Despite her impressive history, she doesn't quite measure up to her predecessor the original RMS Queen Elizabeth.

Built in 1940 as an ocean liner, the RMS QE started out life as a troop transport during the war. At 83,673 gross tons, she held the record of the largest ship ever built until 1996. Ok, so didn't I just say Sovereign was the largest in 1988? She was, that's the interesting part of the story. The RMS QE served until 1968 as both an ocean liner and cruise ship. She was slated for retirement to make way for the RMS QE2 which rolled out that same year. The RMS QE2 was built shorter and smaller at only 70,327 GT and therefore able to fit through the Panama canal. The RMSQE was originally sold to a group of investors in Ft. Lauderdale and was opened up as a hotel in 1969 like the RMS Queen Mary. The venture was a financial nightmare and the ship was sold once again. This time it was to become the Sea Wise University Ship for the semester at sea program. She was sent to Hong Kong to be refitted for her new life. Sadly in 1972 while in Hong Kong for the refit, several fires broke out on the ship and the resulting influx of water listed the ship so severely that she could not be righted. Arson was highly suspected. The sunken wreckage was featured in a 1974 James Bond Film, The Man with the Golden Gun as the covert headquarters for MI6. Though parts of the wreck were salvaged, a majority of it now makes up part of the foundation of the new airport in Hong Kong.

With the scrapping of the RMS QE, the title of largest ship did not pass to the RMS QE2, but rather to the S.S France. A classic ocean liner like the RMS QE, the France was launched in 1961 at 66,343 GT. Ocean liners are designed for speed and travel, not for luxury cruising. They are long, narrow and usually have smaller accommodations than ships built for cruising. Due to this body style, they do not usually work well when converted into cruise ships. Though upgraded 3 times in her life, she never reached the size of the RMS QE. She was sold to a fledgling Norwegian Cruise lines in 1979 who promptly rechristened her the S.S. Norway. Since she was built as an ocean liner and was now being used for both transatlantic sailing and cruising. She was upgraded to 70,202 GT in 1984 and continued to hold her title until, you guessed it, the Sovereign came out in 1988. NCL once again refit the S.S. Norway in 1990 making her 76,049 GT, stealing the title away from the Sovereign. The S.S. Norway held her title until 1996, but continued sailing until 2003. She served as the flagship for NCL until 2001 and was her most popular ship. Cruising and ship aficionados heralded her as the finest ship afloat. Sadly she does not have a happy ending. Slated for retirement in late 2001, she sailed out of New York Harbor bound for France on September 9, 2001. Her passengers heard of the tragic events 2 days later while at sea. In the midst of the post 9-11 turmoil in the travel industry, the S.S Norway was pulled back into service to do cheap Bahamas cruises out of Miami. In March of 2003 shortly after docking in Miami, one of the boilers exploded, killing 7 crew members and injuring 17. She was towed to Germany but upon inspection, she was not worth repairing. After several court battles over her apparent asbestos contamination, she was finally sent to scrap in India and dismantled.

In 1996 the Carnival Destiny debuted at 101,353 GT. She became the new largest ship in the world and also the largest built since 1940. She did not hold her title long as she was displaced in 1998 by Princess Cruise lines Grand Princess at 109,000 GT. Now the race was on. RCI, having lost it's title in 1990 was determined not only to win it back, but to keep it, and they did. The first of five Voyager class ships, the Voyager of the Seas took her maiden cruise, on MY birthday in 1999. Weighing in at a whopping 137,276 GT, Voyager took cruising to a whole new dimension. It was only fitting that the godmother of the ship with the first Ice Rink at sea would be figure skating champion Katerina Witt. The ship also featured another new innovation, like the Sovereign before her. The center of the ship is hollowed out to form a "main street" lined with shops, bars and eateries. This ship carried more passengers, had more amenities and entertainment options than any previous ship afloat. The next four ships in the class, the Explorer, the Adventure, the Navigator and lastly the Mariner, each retained the size and magic of the original. With every new ship, slight alterations were made and each ship was built slightly larger than the last so that all could be the "titleholder" when launched. It was on the Mariner that I first experienced this class of ship.

The run ended for RCI in January of 2004 with the launch of the RMS Queen Mary 2 by Cunard. The first new ship for Cunard since the RMS QE2 and like all Cunard ships, she was built in the Ocean Liner style. Though purposely built for cruising, unlike her predecessors, she retains the classic look of times gone by. Cunard now plans to build two more ships just like her: the MS Queen Victoria (2008) and the MS Queen Elizabeth (2010). The two new ships will not have the distinction of "2" in the names even though there are two older ships with those titles. The previous ships held the title of RMS and not MS. Geek alert here: RMS means Royal Mail Ship and MS stands for Motor Ship. The two new ships will not carry mail.

Not to be outdone, RCI reclaimed their title in 2006 with the Freedom of the Seas. Like the Voyager class, she brought many new innovations of her own to the plate while keeping the best of the Voyager class as well. The Flow rider surfing machine, kids water park, karaoke lounge and regulation size boxing ring are only a few of the new attractions on this class of ship. On June 4th, 2006 all 154,407 GT of her sailed out of Miami with me aboard. Her two sisters, the Liberty launched in May and the Independence due out next year, will round out the class. Don't worry, RCI is not done yet. The highly secretive Genesis project is due in 2009. These ships are to be 239,000 GT and carry over 5,000 passengers. Rumor has it that the ships will feature bowling alleys, outdoor trapezes and even central park with live plants and trees on the back of the ship. Time will only tell if all that is true but one thing I know for sure is that they will be mammoth in size.